Ami was a first time Mum planning a home birth. She came to my weekly pregnancy yoga classes in Dartford, as well as my pregnancy retreat day in Gravesend. She felt a lot of pressure to accept an induction as her due date came and went. This is her home birth story of past 42 weeks.
I was considered low risk through most of my pregnancy. The only thing that went against me a little bit was my age, 39. I didn’t even consider a home birth at first due to my age and the fact that I was a first time mum. When I asked if this would be an option, my midwife was supportive and told me that I could – but I also feel that she held this against me during my pregnancy. For example, if something changed in my pregnancy she would make comments like ‘if you are planning a home birth, you need to check all the boxes and go for an extra check up or scan’.
My pregnancy was straight forward the whole way through, but as my pregnancy progressed I kept getting told my baby was the ‘wrong’ size. At around 38 weeks I was told that he was a little on the big side with maybe too much fluid so I went for a scan to check, but at the scan I was then told that baby hadn’t grown! Then I was told that my placenta was failing which was causing the reduced growth, and that I should have an induction.
Luckily, I remembered a conversation from pregnancy yoga about how placentas can not ‘die’ if you go over due. There was a lot of going backwards and forwards, but I did not feel comfortable having an induction so instead agreed to some extra monitoring. However, every time I went in to hospital for monitoring I was pressured into having an induction, which made me feel very stressed.
At first I felt I should go along with the extra appointments as it helped reassure my husband, Jody. I also thought that if I went along with what the doctors were telling me, things would go in my favour – but in hindsight sight that doesn’t work!
My feeling was that I would not go into spontaneous labour whilst in hospital and feeling all of this stress, and it took me a while to mentally recover from each appointment. Each appointment would sent my cortisol levels high, which was not ideal. In the end I decided to stop going in for monitoring every day, and found myself going less and less.
The last couple of weeks of pregnancy came with a lot of pressure, especially from the medical side. Having my birth preferences written down really helped me stay grounded in what was important to me. That, combined with support and constant reminders that this was my choice, helped me manage the intensity of that time. I kept repeating to myself: “If my baby and I are healthy, I’m sticking to Plan A.”
I was lucky — I really enjoyed pregnancy, apart from the pressure from the hospital.
One of the key things I asked for during that time was to be given a moment away from doctors to pause, calm down, and think through my options. I tried to use the BRAIN acronym whenever I could, although I sometimes forgot.
At 41 weeks my midwife changed, as my midwife went on holiday. This was actually a good thing, as I saw different midwives who were a bit more supportive of my home birth.
At 42 weeks +1 day I saw a senior midwife who listened to my concerns about the hospital appointments and pressure I was facing. She was very supportive and said that no-one tells us these struggles, because it’s quite rare for a first time mum to turn down an induction. Overall, she was brilliant and recognised that I had done lot of research. She told me to turn off my thinking brain, and switch on my primal brain. Finally, I felt like I could relax. This was on a Monday, so that evening I went to pregnancy yoga feeling a lot better. Everyone was shocked that I was still coming to class, but I always felt more relaxed after class. At the end, Colleen said to “I’m not going to see you now for six weeks!”
Once I got home I felt that I could mentally switch off, so started preparing for birth. My birth doula had told me about blacking out the windows to increase the hormone melatonin, so I got Jody to do this. We are more likely to go into labour at night as we have this hormone and feel more relaxed. I felt like labour would be soon, and had started to have some niggles. I went to sleep as normal, and labour started soon after.
Contractions started around 3am on Tuesday. I managed to fall back asleep at 7am, with mild on and off contractions, but woke again at 9am to a stronger contraction. Things started slowly, about every 10–15 minutes, then worked their way down to 6–7, and felt like it suddenly jumped to around 2 minutes apart.
Throughout the day I stayed upstairs, in darkness, listening to an audio book. This helped me zone out and not think too much about what was going on. My husband Jody was downstairs sorting out our cosy space and the birth pool. The midwives arrived around 9pm, and my doula arrived soon after.
I had originally planned to avoid vaginal examinations because I knew they could be disheartening or misleading. But once the midwives arrived and things felt so intense — and my sister kept talking about the gas and air — I agreed to one. My waters hadn’t broken yet, but the midwives were confident I had progressed enough. Protocol required them to check my cervix before administering gas and air.
I was 4cm. That felt like such a relief — not just because I was progressing, but because it meant I could have the gas and air! That was around 9pm. I gave birth less than three hours later, at 11:25pm. Baby Jaxon was born in the water, at home at 42 weeks and 2 days.
It was definitely more intense than I imagined, but when it got really tough, my sister helped me breathe through the surges, and the home birth midwives were absolutely incredible — so calm, supportive, and encouraging. I also remember something my doula said about imagining myself in a peaceful place. That brought to mind a story from Ina May’s book, where a woman imagined waves coming in and out with each contraction. I pictured myself by the sea and focused on long, slow, outward breaths. It really helped.
I didn’t end up doing the down-breathing as planned because my body just completely took over — I think it’s called the fetal ejection reflex? I was really grateful the midwives supported me in going with what my body was doing naturally, without coaching the pushing stage.
It was the natural birth I had hoped and planned for. Our little one arrived at 7lbs 12oz, completely healthy. The placenta looked great too — nothing like the concerns that had been raised by the consultants and hospital midwives. Delivering the placenta was a bit harder — I felt pretty weak by that point — but I stayed committed to birthing it naturally, and it came out exactly an hour later.
I honestly can’t express enough how thankful I am for all the support I received leading up to the birth and on the day itself. The pressure I faced was unlike anything I expected. One of my favourite affirmations that really got me through was:
“My contractions are part of me and cannot be stronger than me.”
I’m just so grateful for all the support I had, from our pregnancy yoga group, friends from House Of Leyla, and my doula Claire. That support really helped me have the birth experience I did.
